So, here it is, the end of March. What a roller coaster ride this month has been. First the weather turning warm enough to tempt me to hook up the disc and tear through the garden and start sewing seeds, and then right back down to freezing a few days later. I guess I won’t complain too much. All of our snow is gone and has been for a while now, the river got pretty high but I never even had to think of sandbagging our house to save it from flooding. Things surely could be worse and they’re not, and for that I am very grateful.
It is early here in River City and I awoke to an indescribable urge to simply get up. I know that doesn’t make much sense, and it didn’t to me either until the fog of sleep cleared from my head. After I was up and moving around a bit, and after a generous amount of orange juice, thoughts started to pop into my head. As I awoke, I sat at the edge of the bed trying to decide why I was awake at this hour. I finally decided that I would try to go to the bathroom and see if I could go back to sleep afterwards. On the way from the bedroom to the bathroom, a funny thing occurred to me. I had walked this particular route hundreds upon thousands of times. It may not seem like much to you, but it hit me like a revelation… I mean, I boldly walked through the darkness, bare toed and with out a second thought to the safety of those little piggies. I strode through this house with all the confidence in the world that my path was clear before me. The kids know by now that the Lego’s stay upstairs (the most prevalent enemy of any bare foot is a stray Lego!) and even the dogs know not to lie in the path that joins these two rooms. This place, this home, is very familiar to us all. With the exception of a few years where we tried to make a go of life in California before, this has been home. The place where I have thus far raised my children, buried more than a few pets in a quiet spot in the back yard. I have put my heart and soul into this house and I had such dreams and visions for our future together. A new kitchen, bathroom, an addition to the barn… but now it is time to let those things go. I can no longer give this place what it needs, what it deserves. In a way, I guess it’s like letting your child go and make his or her way in the world on their own. I have done what I could, the best I knew how to do but in the end, this part of my journey has run it’s course and it’s time to move on. I will miss this place to be sure, there are a lot of very fond memories here, the kids first steps, the first time they rode a bike without training wheels, the bonfires out back, Connor sneaking out through the dog door to pick blueberries before Sarah and I woke up one morning… in his diaper! The list goes on and on and I will take those with me, but go I must. Someone sent me some words of wisdom recently that in effect said “God has great things in store for each of us, but sometimes we have to let some things go so that we are ready to receive them.” I have held onto a good many things for quite a long time and always thought I’d have the strength to carry them all while picking up other stuff along the way. I now know better… and I am more than willing to let all of it go for what is in store for me, my hands are empty and I am willing to receive. I know I will not get more than I can handle, and that if it seems like it is more than I can handle, help is only a phone call away.
In other news, there has been a rather nasty flu bug making the round here and I think we are finally getting the upper hand. I knew I was truly sick when I was cold, I never get cold. We still have perhaps a few more days to go on the road to recovery, but I can see the light at the end. The worst part of all that is the fact I am at the end of my two weeks and I need another transfusion. Yeah, that’s a bit much… but no one ever guaranteed that life would be fair did they? At least it will be over and done with by my birthday and most importantly to me, our anniversary. Not that they are particularly momentous ones, like my 40th birthday, or our 20th anniversary, but I have a new perspective on the world. I don’t feel like waiting for the big ones to roll around. I want to make the best of the ones I am given and if the next one rolls around, so much the better.
I also have some rather sad news to pass along. Gandalf the Gray (our cat) passed a
way rather unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago. He is already sorely missed. I have had to resort to traps in the barn to catch the mice and even caught one in the kitchen just the other day with the trash bin door! It tried to escape when I opened it to throw something away and as I slammed the door shut (ok, I’ll admit that is was more in surprise then any killer instinct) I just happened to catch his tail between the door and the jamb. Sarah was kind enough to “rescue” him and then let him go outside… but should we ever cross paths again, I will know him by the crook in his tail and he would do well to steer clear of me. I thought long and hard about whether or not to get another cat and after much discussion with Sarah, it has been decided that we should wait until we get to California. We think that two St. Bernards and three kids is enough for such a long trip. Work also continues on trying to find new homes for the rabbits and the chickens, I have had a couple of bites on both accounts but nothing concrete.
Well, that’s about it for this month. I added some more photos to the Flickr page a couple of times during the past month so check them out. I will add some more in the next week or so as well as I once again hit the max for a free account. (sigh) If you have any questions, feel free to write or even call. I will make no promises save one, I will do my best to answer them. And as always, if you know anyone who you think should get this, please feel free to pass it along, or if you do not wish to receive this, speak up and I can fix that too… no hard feelings, honest.
Until next month, stay healthy and know that you are in my thoughts.
Love, Tracy.
