Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Going through the motions

How many times have each of us used that phrase and how many different meanings can it have? Well for the past month and a half or so that would best describe how I have been living my life in every aspect. See, there’s a lot going on in my head and trying to sort through it all, or even part of it, can be at times exhausting. It’s during times like these that I take a step back from life, time to disconnect and just go through the motions. I get up, eat and do all the things that are necessary to sustain life but you could scarcely call it living. I think that we all need to once in a while, when the walls feel like they’re closing in… when life just seems like a little more than we can bear. I am fortunate to have a wonderful wife that gets that and is willing to give me some space, and some time, to recoup my strength that I may live on to fight the good fight another day.

The doctors have been trying to convince me that having my spleen removed is a “good thing” and that it can be beneficial, even reduce my need for the transfusions from once a week to maybe monthly or even less. That’s a strong case, seeing as I am rather tired of being “poked” with needles. I have, up till now, been rather reluctant to have it removed though I can’t tell you why exactly. Part of me I guess thought that if God put it there, I MUST need it! And yet another part of me I suppose didn’t want to face the fact that things had gotten to the point that removing it was necessary. At any rate, it has of late been causing me some significant discomfort and I am ready for it to be gone. Sarah and I meet with the surgeons on Thursday to discuss the procedure and it’s inherent risks. Wish me luck; I’m more than a little nervous and anxious about this to say the least.

So, what sort of things can breathe new life into us when we are going through the motions, can give us cause once again to tune into our surroundings and take note of what is going on? For me it has been getting back into racing my remote controlled cars. Kenyon bought one with his birthday money and boys being boys, he was a little rough with it and it needed repairs. We went to the hobby shop to acquire the parts necessary and while talking to the technician I asked if there was a track in the area. He informed me that in fact there was and it’s only a quarter of a mile from the shop. After some preliminary investigative work, we stopped by on a Saturday and talked to a few of the racers. Seems as though my cars, the ones I raced to moderate success while in the service, are rather old and out of touch with the current generation of racers. Well, for the time being they are going to have to do, that is until they can be replaced. Kenyon’s truck, being recently purchased is already up to snuff so he is ready to race but mine need a little work, to put it politely. Connor will also need one but we’ll work with what Dad has for now. The best part is that it has given me a reason to go out into the garage and get away from the tv. It has given me cause to reconnect with the world around me. Stay tuned and hang on… I like to go fast!!!

Until next month, do what you have to do to survive, even if it’s just going through the motions…