Friday, January 23, 2009

My one piece of happy.

So I read this post on this blog ( the other day and I so wanted to give it a try, I wanted to find my piece of happy...

Last weekend was pretty crappy as far as my energy level is concerned and I was due for some blood. I got it on Tuesday and on Wednesday, I started a workout program with the wife. I was so sore and tired afterward but mentally committed to keep on keepin on. Thursday we exercised again and after that I went to my dads to work on the house some more. I was so sore and tired that not much got done but it was the kind of day where we were happy to just sit and talk. The kind of talk we don't do often enough and always end up crying at some point but feeling so much better. As I was getting ready to leave, he spotted a doe and her two fawns in the field behind his house. I tried to sneak to the van to get the camera out but alas, I was heard/spotted/sniffed out. They bolted...

Now I thought that the day was a total loss as I walked around the barn to try to spy just a glimpse of them. Then it hit me! One of the most beautiful sunsets in recent memory. And I snapped these:

Disclaimer: It looked much more beautiful in person and I am NOT by any stretch a professional.

While I was trying to get the best angle for these, and several others, I became totally caught up in the moment. Here I was, out in the country, in nature, enjoying one of Mother Earth's wondrous beauties. I had found a piece of happy! And did I ever immerse myself in it. I was no longer tired, the melancholy had slipped from my shoulders and I was, at that moment, at peace... Full of renewed vigor as I walked about the farm, trying to capture the moment. It was freezing cold all around me, but I didn't feel old man winters chill.

I once was lost, but now I'm found... Thank you.

Blessed be.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Who wants to live forever?

So just about an hour ago I was driving home and listening to Queen and the song "Who Wants To Live Forever" came on. It got me to thinking. Would I rather live forever or live with the specter of death hanging over my head constantly? On the one hand, knowing that I would be around forever and not having to worry about things like disease would be pretty sweet. The downside would be losing everybody that I care about, and there are a lot of you. I know that death is always a possibility and there are no guarantees in life up to and including life itself. I'm just saying, what if...

I tend to think that I would rather things were just as they are and here's why. Given the fact that I have this disease, and now that I am considerably more in control of my emotions, I am led to live each and every day to the fullest. To be the best I can be and squeeze every drop of... whatever from the life I have. I tend to think that if I put out to the universe that I am healthy and strong, and keep the vision in my head that I am alive and living life to the fullest, that is what the universe will give me.

Now, flip the coin over and lets say that I had an eternity to do whatever my heart desired. I already know how I lived when I thought I would leave this earth at oh, I dunno, 75-80... I sat around doing silly things with the mentality that I could always do it tomorrow or the next day. Now I realize that tomorrow may not arrive, no matter how stalwart the postman is. He will still make his appointed rounds but there may not be a package in his bag for me.

So... I apologize ahead of time if I bug any of you to do something over and over again, or if you call and get my voice-mail. I may just be a little bit busy... LIVING!

Until next post, I bid you peace.