Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Going through the motions

How many times have each of us used that phrase and how many different meanings can it have? Well for the past month and a half or so that would best describe how I have been living my life in every aspect. See, there’s a lot going on in my head and trying to sort through it all, or even part of it, can be at times exhausting. It’s during times like these that I take a step back from life, time to disconnect and just go through the motions. I get up, eat and do all the things that are necessary to sustain life but you could scarcely call it living. I think that we all need to once in a while, when the walls feel like they’re closing in… when life just seems like a little more than we can bear. I am fortunate to have a wonderful wife that gets that and is willing to give me some space, and some time, to recoup my strength that I may live on to fight the good fight another day.

The doctors have been trying to convince me that having my spleen removed is a “good thing” and that it can be beneficial, even reduce my need for the transfusions from once a week to maybe monthly or even less. That’s a strong case, seeing as I am rather tired of being “poked” with needles. I have, up till now, been rather reluctant to have it removed though I can’t tell you why exactly. Part of me I guess thought that if God put it there, I MUST need it! And yet another part of me I suppose didn’t want to face the fact that things had gotten to the point that removing it was necessary. At any rate, it has of late been causing me some significant discomfort and I am ready for it to be gone. Sarah and I meet with the surgeons on Thursday to discuss the procedure and it’s inherent risks. Wish me luck; I’m more than a little nervous and anxious about this to say the least.

So, what sort of things can breathe new life into us when we are going through the motions, can give us cause once again to tune into our surroundings and take note of what is going on? For me it has been getting back into racing my remote controlled cars. Kenyon bought one with his birthday money and boys being boys, he was a little rough with it and it needed repairs. We went to the hobby shop to acquire the parts necessary and while talking to the technician I asked if there was a track in the area. He informed me that in fact there was and it’s only a quarter of a mile from the shop. After some preliminary investigative work, we stopped by on a Saturday and talked to a few of the racers. Seems as though my cars, the ones I raced to moderate success while in the service, are rather old and out of touch with the current generation of racers. Well, for the time being they are going to have to do, that is until they can be replaced. Kenyon’s truck, being recently purchased is already up to snuff so he is ready to race but mine need a little work, to put it politely. Connor will also need one but we’ll work with what Dad has for now. The best part is that it has given me a reason to go out into the garage and get away from the tv. It has given me cause to reconnect with the world around me. Stay tuned and hang on… I like to go fast!!!

Until next month, do what you have to do to survive, even if it’s just going through the motions…


  1. Best of luck to you, Tracy and Sarah. I'm thinking of you often.

  2. Tracy - We'll keep you in prayer re: surgery. I agree, if God put it there it is for a purpose, however God has gifted mankind with intelligence, and with that comes curiosity, research, testing, and finally a way to remove it and knowledge that we can live without it. If it takes you down to even 1/2 the number of pokes per month that would seem beneficial, depending on how Spleenless Tracy's day-to-day health improves. If the surgery is via 3 or so little pokes in lieu of a blade, rusty spoon, etc., recovery to beef-eating status should be quite rapid. Keep us all posted.
    - John Maher

  3. Sounds like the spleen's gotta go! I know you are anxious and worried over having surgery, so I hope your meeting with the surgeon will ease your fears. I like the fact that removing it will mean less transfusions. I'm sure that would free up your life quite a bit and be a welcome change for the better. Going through the motions is okay. Sometimes we have to be on auto pilot for awhile until we recharge and have the energy and initiative to break out of the humdrum course. Sounds like remote control cars is just what you needed to spur you forward.
    Have fun racing, even if you're using a crappy car and Kenyon is using a super truck!

  4. Tracy, we think of you, Sarah, and the kids often. You have been named in sooooo many of our prayers. Keep going, we all know "God has a PLAN." Maybe it's the way you share your life with all of us, the good and the bad! I am often reminded at how truly gifted you are.... your book of photos.... your monthly writings (Wow).... the way you share the family "fun" times......and your inner thoughts and fears...you have been truly blessed with the gift of communication!!!!!

    Thanks Soooo much for sharing, you touch each and every one of us with each message.
    Love and prayers, Aunt Connie

  5. Tracy,
    I remember how much joy those trucks used to bring you, now that it involves your kids it will multiply more than can be counted!! Do what you have to do to keep in touch with who you are and know that I love you guys, even the kids, even though I have never met them. You and the family are in my daily prayers. If there is anything I can do let me know, if it is a plane tkt for you to see your family or whatever I will do what I can. Keep your head held high and remember "God never gives us more than we can bear". Love You, Beth Ann