So this afternoon the kids and I were watching TV and Extreme Makeover Home Edition came on. The recipient family had lost their husband/father (6 children) to mold that he came into contact with while renovating their new (to them) house. As we watched the show, I sat there in absolute tears. I have never been afraid to show the kids my "soft" side, I think it does them good to see a man cry now and again. But this time was different. As I was crying, I could feel Connor and Molly's eyes on me, watching my reaction to the show. I am pretty sure that Connor knows what is going on with my... situation, but as for Molly, I really have no clue. I began to wonder what was going on in their little minds. Did they understand, I mean truly understand what was happening with the family on TV? Did they then correlate that with what is happening to me? Could they possibly comprehend a time when I would not be there for them? I can't even begin to think of how to talk to them about it... I certainly don't want to upset them, but they need to know, don't they?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... I am totally at a loss here.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
A New Hope (July 2009 update)
Well, I am getting a bit of a late start on this months update as you can tell. Sorry if that caused any of you to worry, rest assured that we are all well. We are waiting patiently for our “stuff” to arrive in California. There has been some sort of snag with the company that is hauling my truck but I guess there always has to be SOME sort of conflict in every situation… human nature and all. SNAFU!
Let’s see, you may have noticed that I have given this month’s update the title A New Hope. I did this for two reasons. As you may recall, I was looking for something to call the updates besides well… updates and I thought that A New Hope was appropriate because we have moved here so far away from so many people that we love and care about (and that reciprocate that love) because we have a new hope for our new life here in Cali. I have gone into some of my varied reasons for moving my family here before and I would rather not go into it again. Suffice it to say that Sarah is closer, much, much closer to her family should she need that support. That is not to say that she would not have gotten such support from my family, but it just isn’t the same in such times of absolute crisis. That is all I have to say about that, as I don’t wish to upset myself thinking about it or to upset anyone else for that matter.
So the purging is complete and everything we own save for a few necessary essentials is on a truck somewhere between here and Michigan. It was hard to let some of the “stuff” go but in the end, we saw it as necessary and we realize that is will lead us to have so much more time and energy to devote to some of the things that we wanted to do. I think that sometimes in one’s life, there must be sacrifices made and that can be a very healthy part of the “life” experience. For my part, I now realize that I simply had way too many irons in the fire. I had sooo many projects that I wanted to work on at any given time that the barn was literally “walking room only.” I had to move things out of the way simply to find the pieces and parts of a given project and that led me to not want to work on any one thing in particular. I didn’t even want to go into the barn because it would depress me just thinking about the amount of stuff in there… Now, as we make a fresh start, things will be different. Now, with only a couple of projects to concentrate on, my hope is that I can actually finish one. I can get the parts out and work on it and know that they have a specified place to be put back in when I am finished working on them for that day. Wish me luck.
Now that things are settling down a bit here on the West Coast, I am starting to miss things as they were back home. The people, places and things that I knew are all so far away. I miss Seth most of all. I tried so hard to keep up a strong front while saying goodbye but when I held him in my arms and felt him start to break down, my connection with him really hit home and now I miss him so much. I miss real trees too, the kind that have been around for a hundred years and more. Big trees are a rare thing here in the central valley. I may have to make a trip to see the giant sequoias soon and get my “fix”.
Well, I need to get started on several projects for today so I am going to close now. I miss you all very much, but I know in my heart that this is the path I MUST follow. All is as it should be in Tracy’s world and the heartache and sadness will pass in time.
Take care and stay in touch, and that means you, you, and yes… you too. Write me a letter, email, or call me whenever. Just do it!!!
Peace and love,
Tracy
Ok, sorry for making you wait but things have been a little hectic, as I have previously said. Having said THAT… please forgive the tardiness of this month’s update.
I would like to add a few things that have changed as of the first draft a couple of weeks ago.
First, we received our household goods and nothing was broken. Those guys were real top-notch pros and took really good care of us and our stuff. I commend them on a job well done. A big thanks to the American Legion for the assistance and for getting me a HUGE discount on the cost of the moving truck as well.
Second, My truck finally did make it here, and in one piece. I have not as yet tried to start it, I think the battery is dead again anyway and I have had health concerns to deal with. Chiefly getting a transfusion and getting things set up for future transfusions. More on that later. Back to the truck… I would most certainly NOT recommend All American Transport. Not that they did a poor quality job getting my truck here, but they DID wait until I was 2200 miles away from my truck to let me know there were some “issues” that would require additional fees… Had I not inquired about these issues ahead of time with their driver, I would gladly swallow my pride and have paid the extra money without complaint. HOWEVER… since I asked their driver at the time of pickup about the “issues” and was told there would be no problem, I feel like maybe the money should have come out of HIS pocket instead of mine… What is done is done though and all I will do is NOT recommend them to anyone else in the future. I WILL also be calling North American this week and letting them know about my “bad experience” with their recommended auto transporters. Nuff said…
Lastly and maybe most importantly, I met today with my new Hematologists at the Palo Alto VA and they are a WONDERFUL bunch of people. Very professional, very compassionate, and very easy to get along with. It was chiefly a get to know them, get to know me type of appointment so no real hard news as of yet, but I suspect that my meds may change in the near future as part of the discussion revolved around how long I had been on my current meds and how were they working. We touched briefly on changing them but no decision was made today. The main goal was to get me set up with a time and place for the transfusions and that will be finished up tomorrow with a couple of phone calls and a trip to the Modesto clinic to meet with the General Practitioner and get things set up for the blood draws. I am VERY happy with where I am and where I am headed with these folks. I think this is why I was led to make this move… there were better things waiting for me out here.
We are still settling in, the kids have started their new “school routine” and are getting used to that as there are some rather big changes there. We still have a bit of unpacking to do but that is happening and we are taking our time. Lord knows we did enough rushing around to get it packed, I think we have earned a little down time in unpacking it again.
For those of you that are prone to worrying, fret not. All is well with me and mine and only distance separates us. Nothing can take away the love that we feel for one another. Besides, now you have reason to visit the west coast and all the “weirdos” in California…
All my love to you, each and every one. Please write often, as I love to hear from you all. Until next month, may the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back. May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Love,
Tracy.
PS. I started a Blog a while ago and have since posted the “back issues” of the update there. Check it out here: http://wooden1dr.blogspot.com/ I will be posting this month’s there as well as the following month’s. If you would rather read them there as opposed to via email, drop me a line saying so and I will try to get you off the email list.
I have not had an opportunity to take many photos lately so the Flickr page is on hold, but for those of you new to this update thang, you can peruse the older photos here: www.flickr.com/photos/woodaholic/
I think that about does it, take care yall!
Let’s see, you may have noticed that I have given this month’s update the title A New Hope. I did this for two reasons. As you may recall, I was looking for something to call the updates besides well… updates and I thought that A New Hope was appropriate because we have moved here so far away from so many people that we love and care about (and that reciprocate that love) because we have a new hope for our new life here in Cali. I have gone into some of my varied reasons for moving my family here before and I would rather not go into it again. Suffice it to say that Sarah is closer, much, much closer to her family should she need that support. That is not to say that she would not have gotten such support from my family, but it just isn’t the same in such times of absolute crisis. That is all I have to say about that, as I don’t wish to upset myself thinking about it or to upset anyone else for that matter.
So the purging is complete and everything we own save for a few necessary essentials is on a truck somewhere between here and Michigan. It was hard to let some of the “stuff” go but in the end, we saw it as necessary and we realize that is will lead us to have so much more time and energy to devote to some of the things that we wanted to do. I think that sometimes in one’s life, there must be sacrifices made and that can be a very healthy part of the “life” experience. For my part, I now realize that I simply had way too many irons in the fire. I had sooo many projects that I wanted to work on at any given time that the barn was literally “walking room only.” I had to move things out of the way simply to find the pieces and parts of a given project and that led me to not want to work on any one thing in particular. I didn’t even want to go into the barn because it would depress me just thinking about the amount of stuff in there… Now, as we make a fresh start, things will be different. Now, with only a couple of projects to concentrate on, my hope is that I can actually finish one. I can get the parts out and work on it and know that they have a specified place to be put back in when I am finished working on them for that day. Wish me luck.
Now that things are settling down a bit here on the West Coast, I am starting to miss things as they were back home. The people, places and things that I knew are all so far away. I miss Seth most of all. I tried so hard to keep up a strong front while saying goodbye but when I held him in my arms and felt him start to break down, my connection with him really hit home and now I miss him so much. I miss real trees too, the kind that have been around for a hundred years and more. Big trees are a rare thing here in the central valley. I may have to make a trip to see the giant sequoias soon and get my “fix”.
Well, I need to get started on several projects for today so I am going to close now. I miss you all very much, but I know in my heart that this is the path I MUST follow. All is as it should be in Tracy’s world and the heartache and sadness will pass in time.
Take care and stay in touch, and that means you, you, and yes… you too. Write me a letter, email, or call me whenever. Just do it!!!
Peace and love,
Tracy
Ok, sorry for making you wait but things have been a little hectic, as I have previously said. Having said THAT… please forgive the tardiness of this month’s update.
I would like to add a few things that have changed as of the first draft a couple of weeks ago.
First, we received our household goods and nothing was broken. Those guys were real top-notch pros and took really good care of us and our stuff. I commend them on a job well done. A big thanks to the American Legion for the assistance and for getting me a HUGE discount on the cost of the moving truck as well.
Second, My truck finally did make it here, and in one piece. I have not as yet tried to start it, I think the battery is dead again anyway and I have had health concerns to deal with. Chiefly getting a transfusion and getting things set up for future transfusions. More on that later. Back to the truck… I would most certainly NOT recommend All American Transport. Not that they did a poor quality job getting my truck here, but they DID wait until I was 2200 miles away from my truck to let me know there were some “issues” that would require additional fees… Had I not inquired about these issues ahead of time with their driver, I would gladly swallow my pride and have paid the extra money without complaint. HOWEVER… since I asked their driver at the time of pickup about the “issues” and was told there would be no problem, I feel like maybe the money should have come out of HIS pocket instead of mine… What is done is done though and all I will do is NOT recommend them to anyone else in the future. I WILL also be calling North American this week and letting them know about my “bad experience” with their recommended auto transporters. Nuff said…
Lastly and maybe most importantly, I met today with my new Hematologists at the Palo Alto VA and they are a WONDERFUL bunch of people. Very professional, very compassionate, and very easy to get along with. It was chiefly a get to know them, get to know me type of appointment so no real hard news as of yet, but I suspect that my meds may change in the near future as part of the discussion revolved around how long I had been on my current meds and how were they working. We touched briefly on changing them but no decision was made today. The main goal was to get me set up with a time and place for the transfusions and that will be finished up tomorrow with a couple of phone calls and a trip to the Modesto clinic to meet with the General Practitioner and get things set up for the blood draws. I am VERY happy with where I am and where I am headed with these folks. I think this is why I was led to make this move… there were better things waiting for me out here.
We are still settling in, the kids have started their new “school routine” and are getting used to that as there are some rather big changes there. We still have a bit of unpacking to do but that is happening and we are taking our time. Lord knows we did enough rushing around to get it packed, I think we have earned a little down time in unpacking it again.
For those of you that are prone to worrying, fret not. All is well with me and mine and only distance separates us. Nothing can take away the love that we feel for one another. Besides, now you have reason to visit the west coast and all the “weirdos” in California…
All my love to you, each and every one. Please write often, as I love to hear from you all. Until next month, may the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back. May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Love,
Tracy.
PS. I started a Blog a while ago and have since posted the “back issues” of the update there. Check it out here: http://wooden1dr.blogspot.com/ I will be posting this month’s there as well as the following month’s. If you would rather read them there as opposed to via email, drop me a line saying so and I will try to get you off the email list.
I have not had an opportunity to take many photos lately so the Flickr page is on hold, but for those of you new to this update thang, you can peruse the older photos here: www.flickr.com/photos/woodaholic/
I think that about does it, take care yall!
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